“I read your post and appreciate the heart behind the advice. The fact that you recognize the part you played in the scheme of things is a feat in itself. Being able to face the past with openness and humility is admirable and not something many can, or even want, to accomplish.”
I’m a woman, divorced after 7 years of marriage.
Given my experience, there are some key concepts I learned in my journey as well. We women have equal responsibility in making a marriage work. For all the points mentioned for husbands, there are perhaps also some for wives I would like to share.
1. Always seek out the best in him. Dwell on those things, not what you don’t like about him.
2. Have sex with him. Often. All the time if need be.
i. Best advice received from an older woman on the eve of my wedding 12 years ago: Make love a lot, especially when you don’t feel like it. Making love is a balm, it covers and heals a lot of the wounds we inflict on one another in a marriage. When you feel like you just aren’t close to your spouse, that’s the time to take off your clothes and get close. Boy-oh-boy, was Janice right!
3. Seek counsel from older, wiser women who have succeeded in their marriages. It’s impossible to make good decisions when we’re emotional. And seeking counsel from your friends who are your own age isn’t as good as counsel from elderly women.
4. Let him zone out. He is not ignoring you, men just have moments of brain freeze.
5. It’s not your job to change or fix him. We are all on a journey.
6. Tell him how big/strong/smart/manly he is all the time. They tend to forget.
7. Never forget or take for granted that your man chose you.
8. Laugh at his jokes. Even if they aren’t funny.
9. We are responsible for our reactions, no one else. We must take full accountability of our emotions and how we respond. And so must he.
10. Make him that goddam sandwich.
11. Allow your man to just be. Be a comfort, be a gentle and giving spirit when the times call for it.
12. Quit your b*tching when he gets home, let him chill.
13. Love him in the way he needs it, not the way you assume he needs it. Find out your different love languages and be sensitive and ready to show him you love him in ways he understands best.
14. Make yourself look pretty. The more feminine you act the more it reminds him he is a man.
15. Be present. Give him your time and attention when he needs it. In my experience, during those times I did serve him, he over time, served me.
16. Never talk about other men, even if they are fictional or movie, even if it’s to say “you are so much hotter than that guy” Most men already think they are, so this will confuse them.
17. Be willing to have him sexually. Let him know you need his masculine presence, that you trust him fully.
18. Never read advice on the internet from strangers. They probably don’t know you and will make you do stupid crap that will not be applicable or appropriate in your marriage…
19. Give him space. He needs times to find his new self (we change constantly) before he can give of himself.
20. By doing these things it would not mean a wife doesn’t expect her husband to be great too, or is to blame for the breakdown, just that she is doing her part to make a better half of a marriage.